Prolapsed Uterus - My Trauma.

I've decided to write about this because I was completely stunned when this happened to me. It was a scary experience and I wasn't sure how to explain this anyone. I had no idea just how very real this is, until it happened to me!

Even if someone told me about the possibility of this happening I wouldn't believe it.

First of all lets start of a brief description of what Prolapsed Uterus is:

Basically it is when your uterus (womb) drops into a woman's vaginal canal.  In some cases; 

- Damage to supportive tissue during pregnancy, child birth, or difficult labor and delivery,

- Effects of gravity, 

- Loss of estrogen,

- Repeated straining over the years,

 some woman experience various muscles, tissue, ligaments weaken and stretch.

It can affect woman of any age.

When these muscles weaken this allows your uterus to sag or completely drop out of your body. 

Symptoms

• Heaviness in your pelvis
• Tissue protruding from your vagina
• Urinary problems, such as urine leakage or urine retention
• Bowel movements problems
• Pain in lower back
• Feeling as if you're sitting on a small ball or as if something is falling out of your vagina
• Sexual concerns, such as a sensation of looseness in the tone of your vaginal tissue
• Symptoms that are less bothersome in the morning and worsen as the day goes on

There are 4 stages that this happens in:

• First stage: The cervix drops into the vagina.
• Second stage: The cervix drops to the level just inside the opening of the vagina.
• Third stage: The cervix is outside the vagina.
• Fourth stage: The entire uterus is outside the vagina. This condition is called procidentia. This is caused by weakness in of all the supporting muscles.

Other conditions associated with prolapsed uterus are:

• Cystocele: Herniation of the upper front vaginal wall, which affects your urinary function. 
• Enterocele: Herniation of the upper vaginal wall. Standing leads to pulling sensation and backache that is only relieved when you lie down. 
• Rectocele: Herniation of the lower rear vaginal wall. Makes bowel movements difficult. 

Before I start I would strongly suggest you go to the doctor if you experience anything you're uncertain of, or suspect something might be wrong. That's no joke!!!

My experience;

During labor I seemed to stay at 5 centimeters dilated. They had to constantly move the baby's heart rate monitor because she was very active. Eventually they started prepping me for a cesarean as they feared baby would go into distress. Before I go further I should mention this is a public hospital. So they have staff issues among many others. While they were prepping me they were busy with other mommies in labor in other rooms. All of a sudden I started having contractions, which I mentioned when they popped in to check on me. They simple told me not too push and left. My SO sat beside me trying to give me useless advise (really, where do these men get off giving advise?). Before I knew it my contractions were worsening and the two of us were alone in the room. For a split second I considered tightening up so that the contractions might stop, until I realized that was a terrible idea. Miyah was the one pushing, not me. I immediately let go and she slipped out, I only had to give a tiny push for her to be completely out. 

After that they took her away to examine her and told me to sit on the bed. When I looked down I saw that I was sitting in a pool of my own blood. Tried getting help but everyone was too busy. Fortunately with natural labor they discharge the next day. 

After I gave birth to Miyah (my fourth pregnancy), during my recovery period. I didn't have much rest time. Had lots to do and sort out. Also repairs was being done on the house, so the house was in a state. Needed to clean it. 

I was in constant pain but pushed through thinking it was completely normal. As the days past I realized something was slowly dropping out of me. Wasn't sure what was happened. I asked numerous friends who told me to go to doctor. Others said it was completely normal, part of the recovery process. I chose to ignore it and hope for the best. Had to go for the pap smear but was so stressed out that something was terribly wrong that I avoided it. It was eventually so bad that when I looked through my legs I could see something hanging out of me. Continued ignoring it. 

The bleeding felt like it would never end, constant bladder infections. terrible discharge. Would dread to be around people. Just wanted to lock myself away in the room and never come out. My SO had no idea what was going on. Didn't think I had to tell him. Eventually he overheard me speaking to a friend. He insisted I go to doctor. I refused (I'm stubborn like that). I was determined to fix it myself.

I google all sort of strange and wonderful things. No one warned me of the possibility that my insides could fall out of me. Eventually I came across Uterus Prolapse. Read about it and looked at the pictures. It described ALL my symptoms exactly as I was experiencing it.  

After finding out what the problem was I starting on researching how to cure it. Especially when reading that surgery might be necessary. Started eating lots of yogurt as well as kegel often. Also started an exercise routine. Which wasn't easy as the last time I exercised my oldest who is now 14 was 4. Getting the motivation and time to get exercise in seemed near impossible. I am finally starting to enjoy it again. 

My baby is 6 months now. I regularly still get strange pains, usually when I'm stressed or anxious. Then I force myself to calm down and go and rest. I have not yet gone to the doctor for a check up. Still afraid of what she might say. 

At some point will definitely go. Hopefully as soon as I can make better sense of life.

Take care of yourself for your family, but mostly for yourself!

A Mothers Guilt

Being a mommy is difficult. So many obligations. So many people who rely on us. Yet we're somehow expected to take care of ourselves as well. Which can be nearly impossible when what we need might hinder the rest of the family's needs. So we resort to pushing our own well-being aside and continue sacrificing ourselves in order to be all we can be for our loved ones. 

Most mommies I know allow themselves to drown in guilt in some part of their lives. How many of us have needs that we feel we're unable to fulfill as it will interfere with the flow of the household. We sit quietly on the sidelines and watch and wait for who might seem to need help and do so at the drop of a hat.

I am fortunate that I am blessed to stay home with my children. Although, often I feel like pulling my own hair out, I most certain prefer raising my own children. I know that no one else can love and care for my children as well as I can. I have worked at numerous times in my life and for various reasons, I have always felt so guilt about it. Also I absolutely hate having to hear from people who look after my children complain about them, and make them sound worse than what they are. So for now being at home is ideal for me. 

I have many friends who work outside of the home. Most of them do it due to not having any other option. So they are forced to go that route. I know that many of them would prefer being at home. There are many though, who simply do it to get out of the house and have some adult interaction. Nothing wrong with that either. I applaud them for knowing what they need and going for it. 

I have lost my mommy recently and have not even had time to mourn her loss. As I am constantly busy with family and house responsibilities. So feel like I need to push how I am feel aside and get on with life. Also I have decided to start exercising again. That hasn't been going well either... 

It seems like the household doesn't see me as a person I'm their live-in robot. I must and will simply keep going. Even the days when I feel like I am seriously heading for a crash, they won't hesitate to ask. I don't ask anyone for help, so I don't understand why they assume I should be fine. 

Mommies don't have the luxury of simply turning in at the end of the evening. We must lock up, tidy up, prepare for the next day, etc. Never ending cycle. Not even holidays are for rest periods for us. They usually mean extra work at alternate location. 

We really need to sort this out, fellow mommies. Need to make better decisions. After all, they do say, "Happy wife, happy life". So when are we going to step up and speak up? We really can't wait for the children to be out of the house before we start living our own lives. We need to make that start now!

Of course is doesn't mean that we regret any part of our lives. After all we do it because we love the people in our lives. Everything we do is out of love for them. Yet why should love be completely self-sacrificial? Life is about balance. So let's us stand up and find our own balance!

Don't forget to enjoy every moment!

BE HAPPY, BLESSED AND FULFILLED!

A Letter to my Son

No matter where you are, or where I am you will always be my baby boy. You were my first love, and that's who you always will be. Strong yet sensitive, I envy the lucky lady who earns your heart. Grab every opportunity that comes your way. Life has a lot too offer. Embrace every moment! I love YOU!

1. Treat the lady you choose to be with like your Queen, so that she will treat you like her King.
2. Learn how to cook, clean and bake. Don't depend to anyone. 
3. Don't hoot, scream or whistle outside peoples yard. Go to the door, knock on the door and ask for the person. 
4. Don't raise your voice nor your hands to any female. Even when they act crazy. Crazy is their natural state. 
5. Be a Gentlemen. You're friends might laugh at you and call you names. Who's to say they will be there years to come. Yet having a reputation as a gentlemen can take you far in life. 
6. Always look smart. People are automatically attracted to what appeals to the eyes. Keep your hair neat. Clothes cleaned and not creased. Footwear clean, and shoes shinning. Smell good, which includes proper cleaning. Shoulders back and head up. have a firm handshake. Keep smiling. 
7. Be careful who you start a relationship with. Watch out for skanky users. Also manipulative cheaters. Relationships are tough as is, Why add drama by choosing a drama queen. Also I will definitely interfere if I see you're unhappy. 
8. Put the toilet seat down, tidy up after yourself when using any room.
9. Think ahead. Following your friends or whatever trend is hot at that point could be a regret later in life. Stupid tattoos last forever. 
10. Don't be led by your hormones. Use the head on your shoulders. You will be ok.
11. Girls and be vindictive an manipulative. Watch out for the sly ones.
12. Be the kind of man you would like your own children look at one day and be proud of. That you can be proud of. 
13. "No" means No. Nothing needs to be said further.
14. Don't be the one to start a fight but certainly end it.
15. Treat woman how you expect men to treat your mother and sisters.
16. Don't sit around and watch your wife work. Get up and help her. It will make you a hero in her eyes.
17. Make sure your wife and children is your priority not friends, sport and whatever else might be your interest.
18. Take care of your house and car. 
19. Don't allow yourself to be in the middle of your mother and wife. Choosing either side, will get you in some deep trouble.

A Letter to my Daughters

You've been the spark in my life. My ray of sunshine, even on your grumpy days. As life has taught you many lesson, so you have done the same for me. Live life to the full. As you as you are blessed a new day, you have an opportunity to make change. I Love YOU!

1. Don't ever let a man define who you are, or make you feel you're any less than he is.
2. Don't compare yourself to others. You're beautiful. As long as you see yourself for who you truly are. How others see you doesn't matter at all. 
3. Always be a Lady, No need to be crass and vulgar to get your point across. You're more likely to be noticed for being gentle and graceful anyway.
4. No matter how you may feel when you wake up in the morning. Get up and get dressed, Do your hair. Dress to impress the world. You don't necessarily need to wear make up. Natural is even more beautiful. Also requires less touch ups throughout your day. Make sure to put on your beautiful smile daily. Regards what you choose to wear, you're sexy. Wearing less clothing makes you slutty. We're not going for that.
5. As soon as a man lifts he hands or raises his voice. That's your sign to be out. you're no punching bag.  
6. Don't change who you are to impress any guy. You are enough. They might not even be long term. Relationships are about accepting people as they are, not changing them to be someone else. You deserve a voice in your relationship. You're NOT stupid! 
7. There is nothing wrong NOT playing the damsel in distress. Learn to do things yourself. Handy work around the house. Car problems. Don't depend on anyone for what you can do yourself. Get comfortable with tools.
8. Know how to cook, clean and bake. With that being said, you're not a slave. So your partner will also need to step up and help where needed. 
9. Fall in love, don't marry for money or any other reason. You might regret it. 
10. Even when you're older, girls will still bad mouth you and try to bring you down to their level. It's not worth it. Don't judge or criticize other woman. Each one is gorgeous. It's not your place to judge. 
11. Don't overlook the boy next door. Especially if he is always there and stands by you in the difficult times. He might be the right one to guard your heart.
12. Being your mommy means that many arguments and disagreements lay ahead. It's okay, as long as you always remember you will always be my best friends. I will surely be the friend you can always turn to. Don't ever feel like you need to hide anything from me . 
13. Be independent, have your own house and car. No man deserves the right to throw anything in your face. It's only by God's grace we achieved what we do.
14. I have been told to look at how a man loves his own mother, I personally have found a few problems with that. As a lot of men seem to have zero respect for their own mothers. So in my opinion it would be best to simply judge by how he treats you. That is why it is so important to know your worth. You should not except any less than what you're worth under any circumstances. A good man is someone who will be an loving husband who will protect you and everyday work on proving that love to you. As well as a man who will support you in your dreams, and help out with the children. Someone you can always counts on.
15. Being smart is attractive. No guys wants to have to deal with educating you. Also it gives you amazing strength to take on any task. 
16. Less is always more, especially as far as make up is concerned. Why would you want to color in a perfect portrait. 
17. "NO" means no! You are in charge of your own body. You decide what happens to you. No one else.
18. You deserve a perfect gentlemen. 
19. Don't be a drama queen, and throw adult tantrums. You will be the only arse. 
20. Careful who you confide in. Woman can NOT keep secrets. Even those you regard as close friends. When you're much older you will figure out who your true friends are. Have a diverse group of friends. Each person has their own lessons they teach us.
21. You don't need anyone's approval. They might be the people who make you doubt yourself no matter what, best to keep on as best you can without doubt.
22. Don't let compliments go to your head and don't let criticism get you down.  
23. Pay attention to how the guy you're interested in treats others. Does he respect people? Is he kind and decent? Does he spend his time with decent friends who respect people? Does he keep his word? Does he follow through with what he starts?
24. Yes you have power over boys. This does not mean you should be manipulative and control. Respect your partner. Everyone reaches the point of enough. You might lose a good guy. 
25. Your body is going to change throughout many stages in your life. Puberty is confusing and painful. Your teen years will be the beginning of your life. Use this time to learn and grow. After you hit your twenties your body will at it's best. Having kids brings on all sorts of other changes. After this your body changes again. Running after kids brings another change. I pray that in this time you know how to juggle family and well as your own well-being. After this you're heading for menopause which provides it's own journey. Always keep in my mind, You are beautiful.
26. Having a beautiful face is one thing, more importance ensure that your heart is beautiful. 

Once again we start from the beginning- New baby on the way

So, I have been quiet for some time. Have been readjusting to the latest change. Soon enough we will be welcoming a new member to our family. Certainly an unplanned surprised. There is no possible way I can claim this little one to be unexpected. I obviously have a rough idea as to how babies are conceived...

Currently five and a half months and still adjusting. Seems like the nine month line is flying forward. So much to do, not sure how I am going to get it all done in time. So many changes, from clothing to what can I eat?. Miss five year old is the most excited of all. She can't understand why she needs to wait for baby's arrival. She has 'helpfully' suggested that I can go and fetch her baby early.
We have confirmed that we are having another beautiful baby girl. Big sisie is most excited about having a girl, though she wouldn't have minded a boy either. She has already made a shopping list and decided where baby's cot will go. Came up with interesting names like Shamoo and Moomoo. So there is a good chance baby could be a whale or a cow!

First trimester of pregnancy was an absolute nightmare. So much discomfort and absolute misery. Lucky that has subsided substantially. I have much more relief now. Occasionally I still get heartburn that feels like I could be transforming into a Dragon. Also now dealing with the extra large orb on my mid section area.

Even though this is obviously not my first pregnancy I continue to be amazed at the wonder of bringing another life forth. Of course I am filled with gratitude, fear, and all sorts of other amazing and probably unnecessary emotions. Often find myself annoyed at any and everyone for every and no reason. I truly appreciate my loving your supportive family for their patience. I am well aware that most of the time I am just being difficult. They let me be me.


Here is a video I added showing the miracle of the little lives we carry in our bodies.
https://youtu.be/9ZZDs5mPgTg

Changes in a Mommy's Life

It has finally happened. My last born has started school. I no longer have a baby. The funny thing is, I am not sad at all. I am in fact quite proud. I have done it! Survived the baby years. Her excitement is infectious. Not sure if this excitement is due to her escaping me or it's because she is now a big girl. I am so grateful that I have such amazing children. Especially when I watch the other children and parents balling their eyes out. While my baby girl is herding the other children and calming them down.

Not so long ago she was born and I was dying from lack of sleep. From here on out she will just become more and more independent. I have also joined the teenage train with my son.  Regardless what anyone else thinks/says about my parenting skills, I have these two wonderful and compassionate angels.

Of course there are days that I sit and wonder if I should consider conception again. Then I remember, I am over it.

This is now my time to take care of me. To figure myself out. Get to know who I am or was. I seem to have forgotten who that person should be. This certainly has not been an easy journey. Have started numerous self searching tasks. There has definitely been personal improvements. Learning to avoid negativity, soul searching has nearly pushed me to breaking point. Regardless I have grown so much in matter of days. Also have learnt to fight my own Bogeyman (Depression).

The other thing that struck me was when I was asked for two unique personal qualities. I was ashamed and disappointed in myself when I realized I couldn't answer such a simple question.
If anyone, I should be able to answer that, yet I found myself sitting and becoming frustrated with myself. I eventually got to the point where I considered asking others for the answer. When I realized how can I expect them to have the answer when I lacked it myself.

I have given so much of me to everyone else, I see now that I need me more than they will. Regardless where life leads me, or who may enter and exit my life. I will be the only person who will live with me FOREVER! It is certainly a scary thought that I will be/have been living with a complete stranger. Have I ever truly known this person? How can I expect anyone to like me or get to know me? Who is this "Me" I keep referring to, by the way?

How and where do I find these answers. It's unfortunate that I can't simply enter the question into Google Search Engine and get a quick answer. I have been searching for the answer for two days now. Maybe I am not asking myself the right questions?

There really should be a manual when becoming a mommy. As well as a warning. What to expect. What you should hold on too. What you risk losing...

Well...I guess I need to get back to my soul searching. Figure out where I am. Where I am going. Where I would like to be. It is a difficult thinking of myself as 'a person'. As I have become rather comfortable being 'mommy'!

A Letter to my Children

Having children is definitely my greatest achievement in life. These amazing people have brought more joy to my life than I could ever imagine possible. The innocence they posses so admirable. I wish I could bottle it and preserve it until the end of time. Yet I am quite aware that I can't do a thing to prevent them from growing up. Though with all my heart I wish I could forbid it. Seems rather unfair. Or I am simply selfish...

I have decided to type this letter, In case I am no longer around when they need me. Hopefully this gives them some kind of heads up.

1. Put God first, the rest will follow. Faith is vital in our lives, by no means do I expect you to be religious. Just believe and trust.
2. Don't forget the importance of family. They were there since the beginning, and throughout the bad. They will come to your rescue no matter the situation. Make time for your loved ones. 
3. Don't take your loved ones for granted. Nothing in life is guaranteed.
4.  Always be curious. Life would be boring without curiosity. You might be surprised the things you could learn from simply being curious. You might find yourself in a deep hole, as long as you have good friends and family you can survive anything.
5. Love yourself. That's the one person who will NEVER leave you. So enjoy your own company.
6. Work. Don't take a job to be employed, find something you love. Life is meant to be lived. 
7. Dance and sing, it doesn't matter whether you're good or bad. Both is about letting go and having fun. An excellent source of self expression.
8. Don't bring others into arguments, family or otherwise. Resolve your issues and move on.
9. Laugh at yourself. Be silly. Life is too short to be grumpy and morbid. You have a beautiful smile and laughter is contagious. So why not spread joy by simply being joyful?
10. When choosing a partner to spend your life with, choose someone who makes you feel like you can take the world on. Not completely crush your own world. Be in a relationship where both partners feel worthy, loved and respected. Not a relationship that will break your will to live. 
11. Don't lose yourself in the person you enter a relationship with. Make sure that yourself and your needs are met. Hold on to all that is you. 
12. Your opinions are yours to have just don't try to force them onto other people. Nothing wrong disagreeing with with others, respect them. You might learn from someone else's point of view.
13. Yes life will get crazy, be sure to find a way to make time for yourself.
14. Love bites are rather unattractive, and they are a sign of insecurity.
15. Stand up for what is right. Don't stand by and watch innocent people being hurt. Remember you can easily find yourself in a similar situation. 
16. We need people (good people) in our lives. To keep us grounded.
17. Don't kiss and tell. It is degrading. You can't expect people to respect you, if you don't respect yourself or others. Keep it clean. 
18. Good manners are of the utmost importance. "Please" and "Thank You" go a long way. 
19. Always remember you have people you can confide in. I am aware that speaking to parents might seem uncool. I will do my best to advise you. Keeping things in is not healthy. I will not judge you. I love you and always will.
20. Look people straight in the eye when in conversation. Looking around makes you look dodgy. You have no reason to feel shame or less than anyone. Everyone is your equal.
21. Don't fear anyone, we are all flesh and blood. Equal in God's eyes. So what makes the next person better?
22. Respect authority figures, even if you disagree with them. 
23. Follow your instinct no matter what. You're the only one who knows what's best for you. 
24. Listen. To be genuine and pay attention when you're being spoken to. This is when people open up and choose to allow you in or not. Also it shows that you care about others. 
25. Be truthful. One lie can ruin all your truths. People will lose all trust they have in you. 
26. Don't have bad breath or body odor. 
27. Don't be jealous or possessive. That's a very unattractive quality to have. No relationship can survive on this kind of mindset.
28. Be yourself. Trying to impress others by pretending to be someone else is misleading. Allowing people to get to know you for who you are, Will show you who your true friends are.
29. Finish what you start in life. The only way you acquire new skills in life is once you've completed a task. 
30. Be a Leader. Make your own choices in life. It's all well and good asking for advice, but the final decision should ultimately be yours. Nothing wrong making mistakes. It's all part of life. 
31. Remember everything comes to light. So before doing anything, question if it's something you can live with forever.
32. Before you criticize others first praise them. It will make you, as well as them feel better. Beside none of us are without fault.
33. Let go of the past. It's meant to be left behind. If anyone dares to bring your past up, they don't belong in your present nor future. 
34. When it an argument, mind your words. It's easy to blurt out hurtful things, but impossible to take them back. Words hurt more and last longer than any physical pain.
35. Be courageous. Doesn't matter what the end result might be, at least you've tried.
36. Treat others how you want to be treated. 
37. Gratitude is highly important. Everything begins and end with it.
38. Take care of your body and mind, this can make huge difference later in life. As you mature and your body changes. Exercise and learn new skills often.
39. Feel what you feel. No need to ever be ashamed of your emotions.
40. Before making a purchase, shop around. Look at all your options. 
41. Forgive and let go. This is something you need to do, not for others, but in order to set yourself free.
42. Take criticism gracefully. It teaches us humility and how to improve on the task at hand. 
43. Be loyal. This will take you far in life, and ensure that no matter where you may be or whatever you face, you will have people looking out for you.
44. Read often. It introduces you to many new and wonderful experiences without leaving the house.
45. Work wisely with your money. Invest and save.
46. Everything in moderation. Drinking, friends, games, television, internet, sweets, etc.
47. You can be mad and love someone at the same time. That's the beauty of love.
48. Don't complain, it only makes you sound whiny. No one wants to be around such people.
49. Boundaries are quite important, provides everyone with a place in your life and a line not to cross.  
50. Your happiness is your own responsibility. You're also not responsible for other peoples happiness.
51. Either get married or stay single, not both at the same time. Don't cheat. If you're unhappy walk away. Cheating causes unnecessary pain and makes you look like a heartless coward. 
52. Equality in a relationship is not about money or power. It's about mutual respect. 
53. Every time you pose for photos, remember they could backfire. so if it's something you wouldn't want an elder or anyone you respect (parent, boss, etc) to see it, don't take it.
54. When choosing friends, the popular kids might not be the best idea. Choose those that make you laugh, are fun and interesting. 
55. When doing things for others. Don't advertise what you do, be humble and let it go. It's no ones business. 
56. Grab every opportunity you get in life. Living in this day and age means you can achieve all your dreams.
57. There is always someone that has it worse. You will always have something to be grateful for.
58.  You're stronger than you think. You can and will survive anything life throws at you.

Finally I just want to thank you for the light and laughs you have brought to my life. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. You might be surprised to find out that you have carried me through some dark days. 

I Love You Always and Forever.

Love Mommy.